Charlie: “Why didn’t you want me to interview all the group at once?”
Ted: “I didn’t want to be covered in ego. I didn’t want to be embarrassed by the inanities of my nameless assholes called colleagues. I didn’t want to be humiliated in public, and feel as though I was gonna fall off this bar stool in front of three people instead of only one, namely yourself, in privacy. We could have talked seriously to one another, Charlie, but seeing these two arseholes in here and you’ve got a right fuckin’ schizophrenic funny farm on your hands. That’s why you can’t talk, isn’t that right, Jake?”
Jake: “What were you doing when I …”
Ted: “Shut up! Isn’t that right, Pete?”
Pete: “ I just…”
Ted: “Don’t lie! (Laughs) I told you.”
(From here on things go downhill rapidly…)
Ted: “I’ve already spent one whole C-30, Jake, denouncing you while you were down the Strand looking for hookers, but you’re just 50 years out of date, they’ve been taken off the streets.”
Jake: “ I actually saw one of them being taken off the street outside the Lyceum – a young hooker being accosted by a police constable.”
Ted: “Did she have thirteen rusty syringes quivering in her arms and suppurating pus, whimpering in the evening twilight?”
Jake: “No, it wasn’t your friend, Ted, it was someone else this time.”
Ted: “Oh, good. Thank you, Charlie.”
Charlie: “What can I say when whatever I ask you comes an answer that has nothing to do with the question?”
Ted: “Look, Charlie, we’re all trying to help you! We’re trying to make you understand, individually and collectively, BLURT. Now isn’t this true, Pete?”
SEE THEM AND FIND OUT!
In case you’re wondering, they’re like this all the time, so the chances of anyone getting a really in-depth interview out of them are slim. But this does give a fair indication of what they’re like on stage – they’re at their best when there are a lot of hecklers an the audience baut hecklers or not, they’re a group that are worth seeing once. You’ll either love them or hate them, most people love them.